Guilty About College

I am supposed to go to college. 

   
     There is no doubt about it. Everything has kind of fallen into place in such a way that some people might think it is fate.

     But I know Who it really is. 

     I have all of my classes picked out, I have miracously won an acting scholarship, all the staff have been so kind and supportive, I've gotten a secret donor, I will have family nearby to comfort me, a great roommate that I already know, and lots of cousins to spend time with. It is all ready.

I am ready to go to college.

     I have mentally prepared myself over and over again that I think I've run over most of the scenarios. My dream of leaving home to explore on my own is about to happen. Eagerly, I long for the adventures that await. I am ready to start learning again. The summer has seemed to drag out so long and yet be swiftly fleeting at the same time. I have my lists, I've gone school supply shopping, and I have my college styled wardrobe. The countdown seems to be ticking ever so slowly.

     And yet...

     I love my life here too. Indiana has been a great home for the last four years. I have enjoyed the people I have gotten to know and the activities I have gotten to relish. In these past years, I have grown so much as an individual and I partially owe it to moving to a new location. Moving was hard but I am so glad we did it. However, now I am rooted in my town, I have a job that I love, and awesome friends.

     I have established an honorable reputation, I think. Over the past few days I have received comments about how I could perhaps get higher positions with more responsibility because people have seen the potential I have in different areas of work and worship. If I stayed, there are many leadership positions I could aim for and perhaps get. As I mention that there is less than a month until my departure, my coworkers and friends are deflated and slightly resentful.

I don't want to feel guilty.

     My parents guard me against feeling guilty that I am going to college. I understand what they are saying, yet I can feel my people pleaser personality slipping back into feeling like I am letting people down. Remarks such as "Well, if you were staying we wouldn't be in such a mess." or "If you didn't have to run off to college I could see you helping us by taking over such and such a position" tingle a pang of guilt inside. The world doesn't rest on my shoulders, but sometimes it seems as if half of it does. And that half is heavy.

I am going to college.

     I have no doubt in my mind that that is where the Lord has planned for me to go. He is the Author of my life. There are unique opportunities here and I think that they are great and wonderful. But Indiana is not the road I am supposed to travel on during this next school year, Bryan College is.

     I am excited to see where this road it leads and I want to transition with no regrets.

Liebster Award!

     Can believe it is already time again for Liebster Awards! I did this last year and it was really fun! Thanks for nominating me! @TheMeanderingsofMe

Here we go.

1) Tv show you liked that you wished hadn't been canceled?

     Terra Nova. My cousin introduced me to this show a year ago, but it only has one season! So sad. Apparently, they didn't have enough funding to continue the show for another season. The show was really cool though and it had great family virtues and awesome action. It was an all around amazing show!

2) What is the last thing you watched?

     Phantom of the Opera, the play version. I had a friend of a friend tell me to watch it since I am going into the theater profession. It is actually really good. The actors are incredible singers, hitting notes that are crazy high! The acting is phenomenal as well. 

3) What is the last thing you watched in theaters?

     Inside Out. Really creative movie. It took a fun idea and just ran away with it. It was very entertaining.

 

4) What is your favorite song from a musical?

     I Am Sixteen Going on Seventeen. Although technically I am out of the age range to sing it. ;) It is really fun to sing and it gets stuck in my head all the time.

5) Do you have a dream car?

    Not really. I could care less.

6) Favorite fruit?

    STRAWBERRIES!!!

7) Do you have any posters in your room?

     No. When I was little I had a poster from the movie Prince Caspian, but I was not allowed to hang it up because it had a picture of a guy on the front. I never hung it up. But I still have it.

8) What song do you have stuck in your head right now?

    Think of Me from the Phantom of the Opera. So beautiful...

9) What movie are/were you most excited to see that premiers in 2015?

     Probably Mockingjay 2. I am excited to see how close to the book they actually get. It will be sad if they keep to the story line though.

 10) What book have you read and re-read the most?

      The Lord of the Rings. They are long books but I think I've read the whole series at least three times. The Chronicles of Narnia would rank second place, though.

11) Favorite Olympic sport?

     Gymnastics. It is cool how those athletes are so flexible. 

     Eleven random facts about myself. I enjoy working, I can ride a bike with no hands. My glasses always end up on the tip of my nose. I LOVE fluffy socks. I have created music on my keyboard. One of my pet peeves is the sound of a metal fork scraping a metal plate. I am allergic to gluten, apple skin, and Bing Cherries. I am a pluviophile, which is a lover of the sound of rain. I could care less for romantic movies. I was born in TN. Organization is key to a successful life!

    There you go! I lot of random information that might give you an insight to my unique life. Hope you learned something new.