Thursday, September 3, 2020

Weight of the World

I try to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.

It's heavy.

It hurts.

It cuts my skin and makes my muscles ache.

But if I don't carry it, who will?


I take on the weight of the world on my shoulders.

People's anxieties and regrets.

People's secrets and sorrows.

I am bowed over, crawling in the dust, trying to be strong enough for them all.

Because if I don't bear it, who will take the time to listen?


I pretend there is no weight of the world on my shoulders.

If I smile, no one will notice.

If I laugh, no one will know.

If I pretend, no one will see how I tremble underneath the strain.

Because if I don't stay happy, who will lift us up?


It's too heavy. My shoulders bleed. My body shakes. I crawl a few inches further. And then I stop. My breaths are labored and I'm choking in the dust. In one last attempt to be enough, I push the ground to try to raise myself up but the weight of the world is too heavy. I collapse. A gasping cry leaves my lips as it finally hits me,

I wasn't made for this.

A pierced hand gently touches my blistered shoulders. It is so soothing. Gentle yet firm. He starts to take the weight of the world off my shoulders. I don't try to stop Him. I stay in silent surrender.

The weight falls off and I hear Him groan as He puts it on Himself. I painfully turn my head to look up at Him. And for the first time in ages, I truly smile, not just for show.


He can carry the weight of the world on His shoulders.

It's heavy.

It hurts.

But it doesn't cut His skin or makes His muscles ache.

He is the perfect one to carry it.  


He could take on more weight of the world on His shoulders.

His people's anxieties and regrets.

His people's secrets and sorrows.

He is the only one strong enough to fix them all. 

He would always take the time to listen and redeem.


He was the only one to carry the weight of the world on His shoulders.

That burden was never meant for me.

How foolish was I to think I could bear it?

Instead of trying to shoulder it alone, I needed to trust Him with it all.

How incredibly simple yet vastly difficult.


He picked me up from the ground, dusted off my clothes, and my shoulders instantly began to heal. I wept for the joy of relief. This was exactly how it was always meant to be. He steadied the weight on His shoulders, smiled, took my hand, and He led me on my journey home. 


"Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Friday, May 8, 2020

I'm Sorry It Didn't Go as Planned

I'm sorry it didn't go as planned.
Those four years of specified learning in your art didn't equal a performing job right out of college.
Senior year pride, encouraging compliments, professional auditions, and imaging a future on stage
didn't create your reality this year.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry it didn't go as planned.
I know you expected that graduation made you an on-your-own adult.
You worked towards a goal of moving away from a place you used to call home.
Reality often twists our fantasies of how we wanted life to be.
Moving back home this year was where reality brought you.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry it didn't go as planned.
Your first romantic relationship didn't sparkle like in the movies.
He was not what you expected in your imagination.
A great friend for you doesn't always equal a great husband for you.
While your stories did separate in a healthy way, it still is sad.
I'm sorry.

But

I'm glad it didn't go as planned.
Those four years of learning your art developed you in so many ways.
Your gifts improved, but so did your confidence, love for the Lord, leadership skills, and self-discovery.
Your future will appear on various stages in this life, both under the spotlight and in the brilliance of the sun.
College prepared you for more than just performing.

I'm glad it didn't go as planned.
You are an adult, but in different ways than you thought.
"Adulting" is more of being than doing.
Returning home provided you with a job promotion, leadership opportunities, a band to worship with, new friendships, and the blessing of living with a loving family when disaster struck the world. I wouldn't have changed those blessings for you.

I'm glad it didn't go as planned.
You gained an Indiana best friend when you needed a reason to stay.
Through that relationship you learned how to be bold, honest, open with your thoughts, flexible, and how to invest wholeheartedly in someone else's life.
Although it didn't lead all the way to commitment, that relationship pushed you to blossom in new ways.

I'm sorry it didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry that sometimes you are sad while looking back at "what could have been".
I'm sorry that those imaginings didn't become reality.

But I'm glad it happened the way it did.



"A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." ~Proverbs 16:9