I have worked at Chickfila for about two years now. It is a job that I absolutely love, even if I do get caught saying "My pleasure" at home! One of the aspects of working there is cleaning the store once we close and all of the customers have left. You know who usually gets stuck with cleaning the playground? This girl! I don't mind it. It is definitely not one of my favorite things to do, but it is kind of nice having some time to yourself after you have been dealing with customers all day.
And it's a good place to pray.
I have been praying a lot lately. Ever since I went to college I have learned more and more how helpful it is to pray throughout the day no matter where you are at. My commutes to both of my jobs are fun 20 minute rides to have a chat with the Lord. Cleaning the playground is a great place to be alone to pray, while I am sanitizing sticky fingerprints on the plastic walls.
On this particular Tuesday night I was praying/ranting about a problem that has been on my mind all summer. I want to go back to college. That shouldn't seem like a problem, right? Most people go to college for four years without looking back, and I have only done one. However, I can only take one year at a time, and the summers in-between are filled with the anxious scrambling to earn as much money as I can even if it means working 12 hours days most of the week. I had been working so hard, earning some scholarship money from the school from working hard as a student, and I had been praying hard while hoping that the tighter I closed my eyes the more likely my prayers would be answered.
It had gotten to the point that I was exhausted
from trying so hard to earn something that was good.
"Just tell me what you want me to do!" I screamed inside my mind to the Lord.
(Now while growing up in a Christian home and being a missionary kid I have learned a lot of the answers. Ever since I was little I had to learn what the Bible says. I could have the correct answer for many things. However, that does not mean that I always live by them. I forget them quite often. Or if I do remember what I have learned since I was a child, I wouldn't truly believe them in my heart.)
That night an answer popped into my head that I had quite forgotten. It was from an old song which was taken from a Bible verse.
"Be still and know that I am God."
It popped into my head as clear as day. It made me pause wiping the slide for a second.
"Well...but...what about...I don't want to do that!" It was the complete opposite of everything my mind was telling me to do. I wanted to work my butt off to earn my way through college. I wanted to figure out the problem. I wanted to go ahead and plan my next semester. I wanted to go ahead and practice my audition for the next play or think on how I would hug and greet my friends who I have been missing with all my heart for months. I wanted to...
"Be still and know that I am God."
I gave in. Usually the things that you naturally don't want to do but you know is from the Lord is mostly likely the best option. I doesn't make any sense, but most of the time the Lord doesn't make sense until you can look back and see the whole story. I can't see the whole story yet. I can only see right now, and how the Lord has provided in the past.
If I am supposed to go to college this next year than the Lord will provide, even if He only has three weeks to acquire a lot of money. If I am not supposed to go to college this next year, than I am supposed to do something different that will be better for me in the long run. This is what I've got to hold on to. And it has served me in the past well. I remember my past to have a hope for my future.