I thoroughly enjoy writing. It is relaxing and releasing at the same time. Occasionally, I will get writing "longings." This might sound weird, but it is an urge to write. There is a little heaviness inside of me and I have this strong desire to write something.
I get the same 'longing" feeling for acting and singing. Thankfully, I get to do both during the school year. Choir just ended last week, and I am so happy that I got to be a part of a wonderful homeschool choir! It was a blast.
Choir is hard work. It may seem like just singing a fun tune on a stage, but underneath the surface there is a lot more work that goes into creating a show. I can't describe how many diverse jobs there are to build the performance. I probably don't even know all of them. But instead of worrying about all the other jobs that have to get done, I constantly remind myself to focus on my tiny part, and do that job as best as I can.
I am a performer. (You've probably guessed that by now.) I enjoy putting on entertainment for a crowd. There is deep sense of satisfaction in making people enjoy their time and creating an environment where they can be fully immersed. I love the lights, the costumes, and the rush of adrenaline before the curtain opens. I enjoy it because I can forget the audience is there and be wrapped in bringing to life something that is beautiful and inspiring. I love singing the gorgeous melodies that make the audience sigh with contentment. I have fun being crazy to invoke an honest laugh that cannot be contained. When I am up on stage, there is no doubt in my mind that that is where I am supposed to be.
Nevertheless, I get nervous! So nervous! Before the adrenaline kicks in, there are the nerves, crawling at me, taunting me, laughing at my pitiful attempts to be a star. Before the curtain open, my confidence is closed and contained behind the gnawing doubt that I might fail. My body shakes, ready to just start the show already. My fists clench tight so that no one else can see them trembling. For weeks and weeks ahead I prayed that I would forget myself and just enjoy what God made me to do. However, the last few minutes of taunting solitude are the most depressing time of the whole semester of practicing for that moment.
The lights are on. The curtains open. The music starts.
Without thinking, I am thrown into the moment of trying to remember every tiny choreographed detail that I have been trying to cram into my brain. Where to stand, when to step, how high to sing, when to take a breath. But it works. The performance I have dreamed of just flows out of me.
I always say that after the first song or scene, I am perfectly fine. The nerves run away after that. It was true for the concert. I just enjoyed myself. I was in raptures! I was doing the thing that I love, that I had memorized each detail, that I had put so much work and time into, I was singing. The crowd always seems to melt away, they disperse until all I can think about it how much fun it is. The Lord was my crowd, and He didn't care one bit that I slipped up a few times.
Beautiful. That is the best word I can use to describe it.
Fulfilling a part of your purpose before the One who created you to do it is so rewarding. For those who were at the concert, my face was probably full of joy because that was what was in my heart. He removed my failings from the mix, and I could just be me. And it fit perfectly.
For those who would like to see a video of my solo please tell. I would be glad to show you.