I Don't Want to be a Teacher

 "Thanks, but I don't want to be a teacher."

     Oh, how many times have I said that phrase! Every time I told someone that my major was Musical Theatre, their immediate response was, "So you want to teach kids theatre classes?" My return always was, "Not really, I am getting my degree to perform." I quickly became exhausted with people's automatic assumption that I working on my degree in order to spend my days telling other people how to do it. I choose my Musical Theatre degree because I deeply loved storytelling so much that it felt like an inherent part of my body. Acting and singing were as natural to me as breathing. So I wanted to learn how to be myself better. 

But I did not want to teach. 

     In fact, the more people asked me if I was going to be a teacher, the more annoyed I became at the concept. To my amusement, however, my favorite class that I took in college was Vocal Pedagogy, which was all about how to teach voice lessons. I was roped into teaching my first voice lesson students the following year. To my amazement, I liked it. It was kind of fun to teach eager students a subject that I was passionate about. Seeing kids come out of their shell on stage was so rewarding. But I didn't want to be a teacher. It was just a side job to make some extra cash and assist the music department. 

     To make the situation even more complicated, I went on to finish a Master's Degree in Education! But it was only because the degree was free through my college, there were limited options, and it seemed like the most useful one at the time. I didn't want to be a teacher. I was simply learning how to be a teacher because it was the next open door. At the same time, I was teaching private voice and piano lessons to make some extra money and had been roped into assisting with the Christus Homines Drama Troupe as an acting coach. The Troupe accepted me with open arms and instantly trusted me to teach, which honestly startled me. 

     The next year, they wanted me to not assist with the younger kids like I had imagined, but to be in charge of teaching and directing an entire high school show! I was terrified. I don't think I had ever prayed so much for a theatre show as I did for Cheaper by the Dozen! I didn't fit in the high school group when I was in high school, so I assumed that I wouldn't be able to connect with the students now. I was afraid that I wouldn't have the knowledge or experience to teach well. I was afraid that I would teach them wrong, or stumble on my words, or they wouldn't listen or care what I would say....

     I came to the realization that I didn't want to be a teacher because I was afraid of being a teacher. I was afraid of being a teacher because I had a great respect for teachers and their influence. I looked up to my parents, my aunts, and my teachers over the course of my life with such awe and a deep understanding of the difficulties of being a teacher that I had elevated the role to be unattainable in my eyes. Teachers have such an influence over the easily molded lives of their students that it would be so easy to mess it up. My teachers had been wonderful and had shaped the person who I was. What if I made mistakes with my students and negatively influenced how their personalities and lives would unfold? I knew that teaching was a hard job with little recognition and reward in the world's eyes. What if I didn't have the care, compassion, and perseverance to teach well? 

In that case, I didn't want to be a teacher. 

     The heart of teaching didn't hit me until the last day of the show. At the end of the process, teaching theatre was never about theatre. It was about connections, learning about who you are as a person, learning about other people, learning to work as a team, learning who God is through storytelling, and being an encouragement to my kids. It took a lot of prayer and lots of mistakes to realize that at the very end. It hit me hard and I cried on my bedroom floor after the show that night in humility and gratefulness. 

     And then I got a random Facebook message from people I had never met at a Christian school who was looking for someone to direct a middle school musical. Usually when opportunities plop in my lap out of the blue, they are from the Lord. With lots of worrying and prayer, I accepted the part-time job. Boy, did that show teach me about being a teacher! I was on my own in a new territory with new expectations and kids who had never done theatre before. That was the beauty of it, though! We were able to explore and create a well-known story into something new together! I had many tough experiences in the making of Aladdin, but I discovered a new part of myself...

I didn't mind being a teacher. I kind of loved it. 

     I began to see how teaching has been a hidden thread woven into my story's tapestry. As a child, I taught my siblings how to perform, how to write papers, and how to grow in each next chapter of life behind me. I put on plays and musicals of my own making when I didn't have the opportunities to be in shows myself. I am teaching all of the time at Chick-fil-A and encouraging my team to develop. I see the potential in almost every person I meet to learn and grow. Is that just a hidden side of teaching that I never noticed before?

     Now as future chapters unfold, I can honestly say that the idea of being a teacher is still as frightening as it has always been. But maybe that's not a bad thing. Maybe it will keep me humble as I pray for wisdom through every teaching experience. Maybe not wanting to be a teacher will prompt me to trust in the greatest Teacher there ever was. Maybe being a teacher will ultimately teach me. I don't necessarily want to be a teacher, but I'm willing to continue to try to be the best teacher I can be!