When I Grow Up

When I grow up I'm going to be a....

     Fill in the blank. I know that you have answered that question multiple times before. We get asked this question as soon as we are able to think about the future. As a little kid, the answer is often funny. Perhaps you wanted to be a unicorn or Batman when you were five. If you were a more serious child, you may have wanted to be a nurse or a teacher. This is a very entertaining and hilarious question as a kid.

     When I was little, I wanted to be veterinarian, restaurant owner, or an employee at Chickfila! That's a pretty random list, and I am glad to say that I fulfilled one of my dreams with the last one! Not many seven-year-old kids get to fulfill their dream of working at Chickfila when they grow up!

     It makes me smile to think of my simple childhood days when picking a career was like choosing your favorite color. Pink may be the favorite choice on Monday, but by Wednesday blue is the best one. It is also funny to realize where I have come in my answer to that question over the years.

     I am about to graduate with my Bachelor's degree in Musical Theatre. I graduate in only a few months and then I become a grown up. At least, that is what it feels like. "When I grow up" has transitioned into "In May, when I grow up". I can't believe I have come to this point. I almost can't believe that I am in the degree program that I'm in.

I never told myself that I wanted to be an actress when I grew up. 

     That thought hit me the other day. My dreams of employment as a child was random and mostly focused around food. Unlike many other actors, I never had that glorious moments when I knew that I was going to go into the entertainment world one day. That amuses me greatly. Singing and acting was always such a deep, inherent part of me that I never considered specifically picking it as a goal to work towards. Even when I chose my college and my major, it never occurred to me that I was declaring what I wanted to be. I was simply going to study an aspect of who I was.

     Now I have reached the point in my program where I am starting the process of auditioning for internships and jobs. I miraculously made it through a difficult screening audition to be able to audition at a huge theatre conference in February. It wasn't until the morning after the screening audition that I told myself that I could be an actor when I grow up. It was such a simple, childlike moment and it made me laugh at myself. As I head towards my big theatre audition in February, I tremble in excitement at the prospect of getting hired to do something that I love.

     However, being an actor is not completely what I want to be when I grow up. Honestly, I do not think that I will perform forever. There will definitely be times when I will not be on stage, and that's not a bad thing. Performing is not my grownup identity. It's just a job.

This is what I want to be when I grow up no matter how old I am:

When I grow up, I want to be kind.

When I grow up, I want to work hard at whatever task I am given.

When I grow up, I want to love people where they are at.

When I grow up, I want to be a loyal friend. 

When I grow up, I want to hold onto my imagination.

When I grow up, I want to always trust my God. 

     Growing up is not all that it is made out to be. Yes, it comes with complications, bills, long work hours, marriage, children, and the feeling that the weight of the world is on your shoulders. It will be difficult and almost impossible at times. Yet, at the core, it is holding onto the brilliancy of your childhood and your precious faith in the Lord, and letting it shine into a dark world. 

That is who I want to be when I grow up. How about you?