There I go comparing myself again!
It is sad how many times I catch myself comparing myself to other people around me! It truly is a dangerous hole to get stuck in. It is a vicious cycle of putting yourself down because you are not the same or similar to people around you. It is even worse when you realize that you are comparing yourself to people that you don't even know exist! How pathetic is that?
College is a wondrous opportunity. I don't think I have emphasized that enough on my blog. (If you talk to me, however, I will give you the full analysis of how great it is.) I get to be involved in such cool activities that I would have never been able to do at home. I get to make decisions for myself, which is both a freedom and a burden. I have met so many wonderful people that I have drawn so close to in only a matter of months. On top of all that, I get to go to school to learn about theater and music. How cool is that!
However, coming from a conservative homeschool family, I have had to deal with some inward things recently that have not come up before.
Being homeschooled, I really did not have too many peers in the same classes or situations as I to compare myself to. Also, my mom was really good at helping me to focus on what was true and not what other people were like. As I child, I was too focused on my next story or my imaginative worlds to pay much attention to other people.
Being in college is a whole different realm. The adult world is full of comparison. That is how people get jobs and promotions. That is how we grade papers, pick our favorite music, choose friends, choose our significant others, and perceive the world around us. The field that I am studying is all about comparison. Auditions are the height of choosing people based on how they stand up to the others. It is not the fairest field to go into.
Being around couples is another new situation that I am slowly learning to adjust to. As I see friends pair up into cute little bundles of happiness, my mind starts to perceive myself differently. When will it be my turn? Could there be someone out there that will choose me? Does my worth change with my relationship status? Of course, all of these thoughts can be taken down with the truth of God's Word. But this is a new battle of the mind that I have not really had to face before.
Even yesterday as I went Black Friday shopping with a group of friends I found myself struggling with comparison. There is always that deceitful little lie in your mind that says you should be able to fit into that dress to be normal and beautiful. Or imagine what it would take for you to be the perfect models in all the advertisements posted on the walls. While everyone else around me was enjoying the sales and good buys, I was contemplating the sad world of comparison.
It saddens me to know that every human being struggles with this disease. Most people don't realize how infectious it is. It is a parasite that slowly controls your mind so that you can only see the world through contacts of comparison. Everything around you is judged not based on the worth of the individual but by how it matches up to other things around it. People need to realize how false this view is.
We need to view people by the correct standard. Every human being is made by God in a specific way that is beautiful and wonderful. Each brain is wired to think in unique ways. Each talent is cool because it is done in its own fashion. Each body was shaped by the Maker to be exactly how He wants it.
No human is the perfect version or the final product.
This is the truth that I have to continually repeat to myself. I may not have the perfect body, the most entrancing voice, the best acting skills, the smartest brain, or the friendliest personality.
But I am His creation. I am His character in His story of life. I am right where he wants me to be, in every aspect of my life. This is the truth. This is the cure for the disease.