You have probably started off in the "I am Content" phase of this circle. You firmly trust what the Bible says about God having a plan for everything, including a soulmate. You have read and reread Paul's encouragement for believers to stay single in order to impact people in ways that married couples would have a hard time in. You can breathe freely, control your thoughts, and smile at the couples around you. This is the best time in the cycle because contentment is where we should be. It is trusting in the Lord, and it is filled with joy and peace.
But let's be honest. We have a hard time staying there.
After watching your coupled friends love on each other and watching entertainment that glorifies relationships to such an extreme (try naming fifteen movies that don't have a romantic interest), you rapidly and without realizing slip into the the pit of the "Woe is Me" stage. This stage is where a lot of us linger and sadly it is long lasting. We all have that inherent desire to be chosen because of our uniqueness and to be loved by an individual for it.
The desire to be loved is one of the strongest desires in human nature.
Soon all you can think of is why you don't have a significant other. Maybe something is wrong with you. Are you too weird or awkward? Are you not attractive enough? Maybe everyone out there is trying to keep you from being in a romantic relationship. Maybe God doesn't care enough about you to fulfill your needs. Maybe you will never find "the one" and you will be alone forever.
This is a very dark time in the Cycle of Singleness and it is filled with darkness and lies, which if you don't try to fight will turn into the next phase; "I Despise Love". This is the extreme stage of bitterness against all relationships and any outward display of affection. Since you are apparently not good enough to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, nobody else should be. You are so tangled up in your own pity-party that you cannot see the beauty of others relationships. This is a dangerous zone to be in as it could easily manifest itself in not only your thoughts but your actions. If you find yourself slipping into this stage, pray that the Lord will reveal His love to you!
Thankfully, many times we climb out of this dark stage into one of stubborn independence called the "I'm Fine" phase. You are not bitter about being without a partner. Instead you look down on those pathetic pairs in a conceited arrogance because you don't need another person to complete your life. You are perfectly fine just how you are. In fact, a lover would just slow you down and make your life filled with unnecessary complications. Although this may seem like a healthy alternative to being bitter, it is really just disguised longing. But from here there is the hope of returning to the "I am Content" phase and to begin the process all over again.
This may seem like a hopeless loop but it is actually the ideal training ground for two important virtues: patience and trust. God uses every season of life to constantly teach us and bring us closer to Him. Singleness is an ideal time to learn more about yourself as an individual without having to worry about another person. It is a time for Him to educate us in patience because we don't know how long we will remain on our own and everyday we must give up our desires for His. It is a time for Him to instruct us in trust because we always must come to the conclusion that He knows best and we must rest in Him alone. God's plan always trumps our own. If it is His desire for you to be married one day than He will make it happen! Also, if it is His plan for you to remain single than He will give you the strength and joy to be able to live life to the fullest!
I am praying for you, my fellow singles! I pray that you are able to see how God is working in you during this precious time!
P.S. I've never done this before, but I love hearing God stories! If you have seen God working through your singleness or just have stories of His love for you, I would love to hear them! My email is rrrmoviegirl@gmail.com and I would love to converse with you and swap stories of how He is working in all of us!
