Lost Friendships

     Her phone lit up with a Facebook notification. You have memories on this day. She tapped the shining notification and was immediately taken to the page which showed all of the things she had posted one year, two years, and three years ago on the same date. It was a neat little app which often made her smile or laugh in remembrance.

     Today, her smile quickly faded as the first picture that popped up was of a friend group picture from last year. Although it was a cheerful picture full of happy faces, it now gave her no joy.

     So much had changed. The group of friends had dispersed and no longer spent time together.

     They had gotten so close. They had laughed together, played together, sang together, acted together, had fun together, spoke honestly together, and wept together. Some of them had bonded so tightly that their friendship felt so secure that they were sure nothing could break it. Personally, she had waited a while before coming close to some of them, but when she did she was loyal.

She is loyal to a fault. 

     This school year everything was different. The bonds that were once as strong as steel somehow disintegrated into scraps. The secrets that they had once shared were no longer remembered or discussed. The hardships they had encountered were no more than a distant memory. It was as if their close friendship had never happened in the first place.

     Some people have said that the group was way too close in the first place, which is possibly true. Some people have said that separation is a normal part of sophomore year, which is also accurate. Some people have said that the distance is a good thing, which may turn out to be certain.

     Although she agreed with the logic behind the remarks, she still felt the emotional repercussions of the breaking. As each friend started to slip away, ending with a friend who was very dear to her heart, she began to grieve. Just as with the death or the separation of a loved one, so also she learned that it is possible to grieve over the loss of friendship. All of the stages are exhibited. At first, she denied it for such a long time. She would actively try to bring the group together again as if nothing had ever gotten in the way. She would naively believe that one day it would all be returned to how it once was. An honest friend soon spoke words of harsh truth to help her see how things really were. She has also briefly and sporadically visited the stages of anger against the people for giving up, mild depression for wondering how life could go on, and bargaining to find solutions in the middle. At last she is starting to accept things as they are, but it is not easy or fun.

     If you are going through or have gone through the loss of a friend or a relationship, do not beat yourself up for being emotionally compromised for a long time. Grief, the emotional instability after the loss of a close individual, is normal. Why do you feel this way? Because the Lord has given you the great gift of love and it hurts when it is torn away from you. However, do not be afraid to love people again. God gives us individuals for us to love and pour our lives in for only incremental seasons of time. Relish the chance to love with all your heart, even when it hurts! It is part of our purpose in this world!

So grieve for the people you lost, but always love the people you have! 

When God Says...

     "Alright, Lord. Today is the day. I need to know today if I can go to college again or not."

     This was her prayer as she drove to her first job. Everyday it was the same old routine. Go to work at a daycare with crazy kids from 8 til 5 and then scrub bathroom floors at Chickfila from 7 til 11 at night. There was also the same old prayer that she had been desperately praying every day for the whole summer.

     "Lord, please provide. I know you can; I've seen you provide in crazy ways before. Just please provide now. I want to go back to college so bad that I have a horrible feeling in my gut when I think about being prevented from returning." She would then usually dwindle off in silence, thinking about how awful it would be telling her closest friends that she would not be able to live another year with them.

     That was her usual routine, sometimes broken by moments of absolute trust in the Lord and His ultimate plan for her life. Some days she could bear the thought of not returning because deep down inside she knew that wherever the Lord placed her was where she was supposed to be. But she really just hoped that His plan and her plan were parallel.

     On this day, though, it was the hardest test of faith in this specific circumstance that she had faced all summer. She needed to know today if she would receive enough money to pay for her first semester. $2,000. That number rang in her head all day, along with the tightness in her throat. As she taught the class of four and five-year-old children, she kept catching herself on the verge of tears.

     Nothing came. She plodded through the day, crying while trying to sing praises on her commutes home and numbly accomplishing the tasks in front of her.

God hadn't answered. 

     She was waiting for a sign. A text saying she won another scholarship. An email from a mysterious family friend who wanted to help her out. A hundred dollar bill lying in a gutter. Anything to tell her that the door was still open. She needed it that day.

     Late that night, her parents gently reminded her of something that she had quite forgotten. God doesn't run on human time. Perfect timing is a gift that only He possesses, and we don't know how it works. The door wasn't closed until the day the bill was due.

     Two days later, God said yes. She got three texts from her mother at work, each time confirming another piece of the monetary puzzle. What a relief! She about cried again, while changing diapers, but this time with joy!

     Yes, God gave her the desire that she longed for. In all honesty, an answer was all that she really wanted. If God had said no, than she would have just found the road that He wanted instead. It was the three months of waiting that she despised the most. It was a test of patience. She didn't pass with flying colors, but she had learned that difficult lesson a little more.

God doesn't always say yes, 

but His answer is always the right one. 

I am just really glad that He did!


(Stay tuned! Another year of college adventures is sure to follow!)

Dear College: Freshman Edition

Dear College,

     You have been absolutely wonderful this year! Being with you has been such a neat experience in ways in which I could not have imagined! Although I had mentally prepared myself in some aspects before I was with you, I was definitely not ready for most of it.

     At first it was hard. I had never been on my own before and although the prospect filled me with excitement, I was also nervous and scared. I didn't quite know how I would handle being with you all by myself. Thankfully, I learned real quick that I was never really alone at all! The Lord was my constant. He also graciously provided me with a loving family who wanted to stay in contact with me every week and some amazing friends who wanted to live life with me every day.

     Speaking of friends, I laugh as I think back to my mentality when I first arrived at your doorstep. I thought it was just going to be you and me, college. I was going to be the perfect student, the perfect musician, and the perfect actor. Having other friends wasn't my priority and I thought I wouldn't need them. Wasn't I wrong! I soon became involved in a lovely group of Godly people who became vulnerable and real with me. We knew we were all flawed but we loved each other no matter how flawed we were. I have learned a lot about being a Godly friend and a Godly counselor. Being with you has opened up new doors for me to impact people and I think that's great.

     This first year of our academic relationship hasn't been all sparkling A+ papers and lead roles on stage, though. There have been many bumps in the road, from my grandpa dying to my friends and I going through really rough circumstances. However, it is a part of my story now and I can see how the Lord has used those not-so-nice things to strengthen and grow me as a person in Him. I have learned the lesson of forgiveness. I have learned the lesson of being a good friend. I have learned the lesson of how friendships shift and change into new relationships. I have learned the lesson of being able to serve no matter where I'm at.

I am still learning the lesson of being content. 

I am still learning the lesson of patiently waiting for God's best. 

     I have been in some wonderful shows since we've been together. My passion for theater and music has not subsided but has grown into a stronger love. Although I may have only gotten small parts, I have found out that I can give 100% in any role I may have, either on the stage of make believe or on the stage of real life. My love for music and my ever deepening discovery of my voice has delighted me in my pursuit of learning. I have chosen the right major!

     The last thing I want to say is that I can't believe we have been together for a whole year! I have heard many people say that the years with college go by so fast, and they were right! This year with you has been a whirlwind adventure and I have loved it! I can't wait to see where we go next during sophomore year. I'm excited to keep continuing down this road!

Love, 

                                                                                     Rebekah

By the Bedside

She felt absolutely useless. 

     Her grandpa was suffering in the hospital. Her family was already in a state of anticipatory mourning. Her siblings were crying. And there was nothing she could do about it.

     She was stuck at college. Although she loved being on her own in a new place, she wanted to be with them to try and help in some small way. She wanted to do something! Her big sister instincts would rise in her suddenly and the only thing she wanted to do was grab her younger brother and sisters and hold them tight. She wanted the be the strong one, the sister who they could depend on.
But she was too far away.

     Those feelings of absolute uselessness tore at her off and on for the weeks her grandpa laid in a hospital bed struggling to get better. She didn't stop praying and hoping. Her optimism often came in handy as she hopefully recited the kind words that she knew were what she was supposed to say. However, she would tense up involuntarily at every phone call or text she received from her parents. When her tender emotions would rise up within her, she would cut them off with factual knowledge of death, grieving, and medical terminology. It was how she coped with the tense wait for the news.

Unfortunately, you can't predict emotions. 

     Eight text messages and one missed phone call alerts flashed on her phone screen when she turned it on after choir practice. Instinctively, she knew it was bad news. On the phone, her dad told her that her grandpa was in bad condition. The family was going to leave that night to make the twelve hour trip from Indiana to Georgia. Without a second thought, she decided that she was going to Georgia as well, no matter how high the stack of homework was or how many finals there were or how many rehearsals she would have to skip before the concert. Family was more important.

   
   
     She tried to mentally prepare herself. Between the catching up and the cheerful laughter with her family, she tried to mentally picture how her grandpa was going to look. He wouldn't be strong. He wouldn't be healthy. He wouldn't be cheerful. He wouldn't be the grandpa she had seen all of her life. When her dad asked if she wanted to go in the hospital room to see him, she felt conflicted. She wanted to be there for him, but she did not want his sickly state to be the last memory she had of him. However, she knew that she was supposed to go and see him.

     The hospital was so quiet. The whole family talked and joked around to somehow dissolve the unnerving silence. Once they got to his room everyone was solemn. Although, there was always the chance of a miraculous, God-given recovery, she just knew deep down inside that it was the last time she would ever interact with grandpa.

     They all crowded around his bed in the little white room. Her little brother wandered around, inspecting all the strange tubes, blinking lights, and boxes of blue gloves. All the siblings unconsciously lined up in chronological order from oldest to youngest. Grandpa's bloodshot eyes wearily scanned each young face and said their names. That's when the tears started flowing. Not one eye was dry or one throat relaxed.

     After a few loving words were said, he mumbled something very softly that she could barely hear.

"Can you sing for me?"

     At a time like this?! She could barely speak words much less sing! Her throat was clenched so tightly that it hurt to swallow. How could she produce a harmonious melody? Nevertheless, she couldn't say no.

     Her mother and her two sisters crowded around her and they began to sing Amazing Grace. The four of the them had sung together so many times before. They had enthralled many church audiences before with how well they all sang together. Yet this time their music gave joy to only one.

     They sang for almost half an hour, recalling every hymn they could remember. Each time he would close his eyes peacefully during the song, just listening as the songs gradually grew from a shaky single melody to a confident three-part harmony. At the end of each song, though, he would open his eyes like he wondered why they stopped. At last, through his labored breathing they could hear him snoring as he fell asleep listening to the music of his girls.


     My grandpa died the next morning in the presence of his wife and two sons. My family is all together in Georgia comforting one another. No one is going through this alone.

     I thank the Lord for letting me enjoy my grandpa for eighteen years. My grandpa tried to make life full of fun and learning experiences. He would always take us to a movie and buy a giant box of popcorn that we always said we never needed. He taught us how to shoot guns, patiently setting up the Coca-Cola cans and metal spoons the back of his yard again after we hit them. He took us to the Dollar Store every Christmas so that we could learn how to buy presents for everyone else before we thought of ourselves. He was a genius. I always thought it was so cool that I had a grandpa who was a scientist, and he would tell us stories of lab rats and experiments. He was amazing at computers. He would try to explain to me what he was doing and I would always nod like I understood when really I was lost once he got past the common terms. He was funny, and always told us the same nostalgic stories over and over, but we didn't complain because we just liked listening to him.

     Thank you, Lord, for making Royce Runner my grandpa!

A Princess in a Tower (Another Metaphor)

      The princess stared out the window of her tower, anxiously looking to the horizon. She was waiting. Oh! How she hated the sound of that word! It filled her with such a heavy feeling of longing that she couldn't shake off. Waiting was such a painful experience that she had to do over and over again it seemed.
   
     What made the waiting worse was that she knew what she was waiting for. She was waiting for her prince to climb up and rescue her from her predicament. She was living at the top of a very tall tower that extended from the ground so high that she could see for miles around. She had never left the tower, unlike many of the other princess around her.
   
     You see, the King had set up towers for all of His precious princesses to keep them safe. When each girl was born a prophecy was announced over them that in the future their prince would come. However, the King knew that there were many men in the world who pretended to be noble princes but who were scoundrels in disguise. Because of His great wisdom and foresight, He built towers all around His kingdom for His precious princesses to live in until their true prince would come along. These towers were huge! They stretched out to the sky and were built from study mountain stone. They were constructed so intricately that to climb them one would scratch his hands and knees and make them bleed. That was the King's design.

It was a test to determine who deserved the treasure at the top.

   
     At first, the princesses didn't mind living in their towers. It was home to them and it was filled with so many wonderful toys, books, and games that it was easy to pass away the time.  There were so many new things to learn about the world that their curiosity was content with the interior of their dwelling. However, after a certain time, they began to stare outside the window more and more.

     Playing games became less desirable, and imagining their princes-to-be became the prominent thought of their minds. Many of them couldn't stand the waiting. Against their father's anxious plea, they climbed down their towers in search of their own princes. They left the safety of their dwelling and took matters into their own hands. To the overwhelming sadness of the King, many of them fell into despair as they realized what a horrible mistake it was.

     The beautiful princess saw her sisters leave their towers and find soulmates. A part of her hurt for them because of the disappointing outcome of their decisions, and yet she wanted to join them. It seemed as if it were the only possible way that she would ever have a prince of her own. It certainly was working to an extent. Although it wasn't what the prophecy had foretold, it did produce results.
Every day she would gaze down the stone walls of her dwelling and wondered how much it would hurt if she tried climbing down to the bottom. Would it be worth the pain?

     Many men wandered at the foot of her tower. She would eagerly call to them and they would converse in a friendly manner. Yet none of them desired to make an effort to climb up to be with her.
Each time they would saunter off leaving the princess in confusion and doubt. How would the prophecy come true if none dared to try? Was she not worth the effort? Was she the only princess not rescued from her singleness?

     Each time these feelings of loneliness and doubt arose within her, the King would visit. He knew her deepest insecurities and girlish desires.

He also knew that perfect timing was a gift that only He possessed.

     He would take her into His loving arms and tell her the truth. He had everything in control. There was a prince on his own journey out in world who was searching nobly for the perfect woman. He was seeking the only princess who would complement him, and it was going to be her. The time was just not ripe yet. She just needed to wait and trust the Him.

     Diligently, the princess tried her hardest to trust the King. She often forgot His words and would begin to try and make the climb down herself. Each time He would always be there to gently remind of the perfect timing that was yet to come. With tears of humility and longing, she would return back to the top of her tower and patiently wait again.

     She couldn't barely stand it. The King's words always gave her such excitement. What will it be like when her prince began the climb to meet her? How would she react? How would he know that she is his one? When would she know that he was the perfect fit? With trembling breaths, she would calm herself and return to her window to wait.

     She would wait for him, not because the King forced her to do it. She wouldn't wait because she enjoyed it. She would wait because deep down inside she knew that it would be completely worth it. She knew that the long suffering she endured now would make her prince admire her even more. Ultimately, she knew that the King, who controlled time and destiny, would make all things work out for her good. That was perfectly fine.

The Adventurer Returns (A Metaphor)

    As soon as her sleepy eyes opened from a much needed nap, the adventurer knew she was almost home. The towering slopes of the mountains had leveled out to become flat fields, as if a baker had smoothed out lumpy cookie dough. Although she had enjoyed the mountains and constantly marveled at their guarding presence, there was something welcoming about the fields as well. Some people felt bare and exposed like a bug on a glass table because of the immense panoramic view, but she didn't mind the exposure.

She always tried to find the beauty in everything.

    

     She was an adventurer, an explorer of knowledge. She was still quite new to the job, only being on her own for a couple months, yet she already felt as if she had been on her own for quite some time. It amazed her to see how much she had learned in so short of a time. Her years preparing for her journey had served her well and she couldn't wait to tell her mentors all of her discoveries about herself and the world. She was returning back to her home base for a brief respite before returning to the Great Unknown, which wasn't so scary as it was before.

    

    The young explorer flipped open her journal to review all of her exploration notes, which described all of her observations. Most of the people she met on her journey had no idea how perceptive she was and how extensive her notes were. Although she seemed bubbly and excited everywhere she went, her mind never stopped analyzing the situations she was in. Her notes were well thought.

    

     She had met many people on her exploration, many of whom she became friends with in the short amount of time she was with them. She often thought of them on her journey back to home base. There was the sweet and friendly girl who was very perceptive of other peoples needs, the interesting and enthusiastic girl who always wanted to make the journey full of life, the boy filled with stories and entertainment for the team, the girl who was both quiet and loud at the same time who surprised everyone with her musical skills, the girl who acted as the mother for the group by always looking out for them, and the boy who always brought the group together as one big family. These were only a few of the interesting people she met on her exploration and she found them all intriguing. She would definitely give them a good report when she returned.

    

     At last her eyes spotted home base, which stood smaller than she had remembered. Warm feelings of familiarity flooded her soul when she looked upon it. A smile crossed her lips without her even knowing it.

She was back.

    

     However, it was not the same place. Don't get me wrong. The building itself had not changed at all. There was still the same furniture in its usual places, the same music played over the speakers, and the same schedule was kept by its precious inhabitants. It was the adventurer who had changed. Her life had been so different in the last few months that this life had somewhat faded away like a pleasant dream. It was as if she returned to a good story only to realize that the feelings she had had while she was reading it were not there any more. When the young explorer walked in her old room she laughed! It was exactly how she left it, but it did not feel like hers anymore. It was a strange feeling.

It was strange knowing that she had returned home but didn't quite belong there anymore.

    

     After a few days of settling into the old routine, the adventurer started to desire her new life again. Home base was nice, but she missed the rush of adrenaline and the undiscovered experiences of the unexplored. She missed the companions she had met along the way. Although her heart longed for the comforts of home, inside she knew that she didn't quite belong there anymore. That was alright.

Every season of life is special.

 Every moment is precious.

Every new adventure is exciting.

     Life is a continuous adventure, and she was ready to ride it for all it was worth!

Destination Ahead? (A Metaphor)

     The storm had come in a torrent of rain and thunder. Out of nowhere it seemed a wave of despair crushed the little vessel floating on the Sea of Circumstances. The Dreamboat is was called, and not because it was a romantic cruise vessel filled with confident passengers, but because it held one passenger full of lofty dreams but insecure of how to reach them. The craft was small and not worth taking much notice of. It was plain to the untrained eye,

but to the Maker it was wondrously made.

   
    The passenger had no idea that an eminent storm was rising. Of course, she knew that the voyage wouldn't be easy. Was there ever a time when it was? However, she would have never guessed how the Sea would change her course.
   
     When the storm rushed upon her, she met it with utter defiance, laughing at the wind as if it wasn't a real threat. She smiled through rain thinking that if she could forget that it was stinging her in the face it wouldn't really be there. There was so much to occupy her on the boat. The sails needed to be tied down and the windows barred. While she focused intently on those tasks she could almost forget that there was a hurricane raging around her.

     But when it ended, and the bluntness of it blew away, she found herself in uncharted waters. It was still, but not peaceful. The current,which she had been sailing patiently on, was gone. It was taken away. Panic and unrest filled the little passenger's soul. She had been so sure of her destination that she had not taken a compass along with her. The current had been so strong that she did not doubt her course.

Where would she go now?

   
     She screamed in frustration! Tears of confusion and fear fell down her checks. She was a usually calm person, never showing her emotions blatantly, but now she couldn't contain it inside. However, to her the outward display of feelings did not help, because there didn't seem to be any wind to carry it.

Her sails were empty. Her soul was lost.

   
     Days passed and still no wind blew. Aimlessly, she wandered around the deck trying to accept the fact that she might be stuck in one place for the foreseeable future. She knew that if the Wind did not come than she was supposed to stay put where she was. Still, she knew that was not where she needed to be. She was supposed to sail. She was supposed to feel the wind whip her hair and feel the current rush her along. There was a destination waiting for her.
   
    The Wind crept up gently. First, it was just a single blow, too faint to feel, like a wandering thought that pricks your mind. She could barely feel it, but nonetheless she tilted her sails to catch it if it came again. It was that little step of faith that changed her direction. Second, it blew again, longer this time, as if to encourage her that she did the right thing. The vessel turned, not in the direction she was hoping for, but it was a direction nonetheless. A direction was all she really wanted.
   
     Finally, it caught her sails and blew with such enthusiasm that she was caught off guard. She dropped to her knees, which was the position that she should have been all along, and held on tightly. Was this the direction she was supposed to go? It wasn't the way she thought. She trusted the Wind and knew deep down inside that no matter where it took her it was for the best.
 
    Before she knew it, she saw the island. It was too far away to grasp but it was still there. Although excitement filled her, she kept pushing it away, not wanting to believe it until she could touch the sand with her fingers.

    So she prayed and waited to see where the Wind would take her next....

Lost at Sea

 Just to make it clear, I do not want to write this post.

     I really do not like the idea of writing about this subject. But I am too good at acting. I am too good at hiding my true feelings when I talk to people, and writing it out helps to clear my head.
   
     Just to warn you, this will be a downer of a post. Don't feel obliged to read this if you don't want to. I am basically writing this to help me unscramble my thoughts and because the Lord is pressing on me to do this.
   
     It is hard when things don't go your way. As children, we would express our disappointment by kicking and screaming at the top of our lungs. Sometimes we were rewarded for our horrific performance, and other times we were told to grow up.
   
    What do you do when you have "grown up?" Kicking and screaming seems kind of ludicrous now. Yet, if you are a person like me, you can easily kick and scream on the inside without flinching on the outside.
   
    As children, we were usually not given the things we wanted because they were bad for us and we didn't quite understand that yet. Our parents would patiently try to explain reason why. Sometimes we got the concept and politely waited for the better substitute. Other times we did it anyway and got burned.
   
    When you are older, you have somewhat learned to analyze and evaluate if something is wise or not. You learn to pray, seek guidance and wait patiently for the outcome. It hurts when your patience isn't rewarded the way you thought it would be.
   
    After praying and seeking the Lord over and over I finally decided last year to apply to only one college. The College of the Ozarks was the perfect fit for me for multiple reasons. My family liked it, my grandparents approved it, the students were dedicated like me, the price was affordable, and the ideals matched my own. The Lord answered specific prayers throughout the scouting of the college and the process of admission. He even provided a huge sponsor to support me. Against the grain of most high school seniors, I took a leap of faith and only applied to that one, confidently knowing that that was where the Lord wanted me to go.
   

Only to be refused. 

 
    After months and months of waiting and praying for patience, I received the letter informing me that although they liked me and I was a good fit for their school, they had other students who had more financial need than me. I am a missionary kid! My family is relying on other families throughout the country to support our salary! Yes, I am on the waiting list and I could be admitted if another candidate drops out but the likelihood of that is minuscule.
   
   This shouldn't effect me in a drastic way. My life really won't change from what it is now and it is a really good one. I've got a great job, awesome friends, and I will just go to the community college.
 

  That is not why I am upset.

     I am confused more than anything. Why would the Lord give me such a yearning and a deep desire to go to a place miles and miles away only to close the door? I was using my decision to apply to only one college as a tool to show international students what trusting in the Lord means. Now what?
   
     I am bewildered. I keep spinning scenarios in my head trying to understand why I wasn't chosen. Naturally, I am a puzzle solver. That is how I was wired. I relish the challenge of figuring a problem out. But this is one that I can't, and if I try I will go crazy.
   
     I am lost. I feel like the wind has been taken out of my sails. I was sailing so smoothly in one direction that I thought I could see the destination. But now the wind died down and a fog has set in and I can't see where I am going.

 My boat is spinning around and around. My compass is not working. I am lost at sea.

   
     Told you this would be a downer. I have a plan B, but I still don't feel like that is the direction I am supposed to go either. I am stuck. Please pray for me. Please pray that the Lord will show me the direction I am supposed to go and that I will understand why He has thrown this twist in the road. I am still running His road, I just can't see where it leads.

Being the Villain

     How do you portray someone who isn't you? This probably sounds like a really whimsical, rhetorical question, but for me it is not.
 
     Part of being an actor and a writer and a storyteller is to view a story from a specific point of view (commonly called a POV). Sometimes you get to completely create a POV, and other times is it given to you.
   

    Don't get me wrong. 

 
    Acting from a specific perspective is why I love acting and storytelling. That is why it is fun. It is the chance to try something new and exciting. Impersonating someone else is interesting and thrilling. It's my hobby.
   
    Just because it is fun doesn't mean it is easy. Over the past few years, I have played characters on the theater stage who have had attributes who were similar to my own. I played women who were funny, lighthearted, kind of crazy, but who genuine cared for people. (For those of you who know the story of Pride and Prejudice, I got the privilege of playing the beloved Mrs. Bennet.) Those were fun characters to play.
   
    This is year it's different. Since it is my senior year, I wanted a challenge, and I got it. In the production of Nicholas Nickleby I play two female characters who are the complete opposite of me. I am playing villains, which is a new experience.
   
    Playing characters who are so debase and so self-centered that they abuse other people is so foreign to me. These characters physically abuse (by the means of kicking, hitting, starving, gagging, and strangling) young kids who are helpless. They sell their own children into marriage for money. (I'm telling you, they are some pretty evil people.) It astonishes me how someone could be so cruel, although I know that there are people today who practice similar atrocities.
   
    From an actor's perspective, these are prime characters to play! I get to do many cool things on stage that are specific to my role. I have been privileged to learn fighting on stage techniques from a theater professor! I get to do my own stunts on stage, which has been extremely fun (and painful)!
   
     From my perspective, I have found it difficult to get into character for these roles. Since they are so different from my own ideals it almost pains me to portray someone so evil. To get into the mindset of a person so angry that she would beat a kid is hard. I have to close my eyes and make myself view the scene from a view of an angry, domineering bully. (It also doesn't help when my fellow actors laugh because it is so weird seeing me in character. ;D)
   

     Then again, I find the challenge exciting. 

     It is taking a little more effort than usual, but the end product in March will be worth it! It will definitely NOT be me on stage. It will be the person that I thank the Lord he hasn't let me become. And that is a praise that I am gratefully for. In this play I am showing the audience the darkness so that the light can shine even brighter. In the end, I get punished for my crimes, and that will be a fun scene to play!

Buffet of Life

     Which is more terrifying? Not knowing what you want to do with your life in the future? Or being decided but not knowing if it will ever happen?
   
     Worrying about the future takes up so much of our time and effort! We can spend hours on end thinking about something that has a great likelihood of never happening! So much emotion can be wrapped up in a superficial figment of our imagination. I know that I have wasted sleep on ideas about my life.
   
     Senior year (and all of high school really) is usually devoted to making the final decision of how we would like to spend the rest of our life. It is as if we could walk of to the Buffet of Life and pick our platter.

     "And what would you like, miss?" The buffet attender asks, eyeing the customer with suspicion.
     "You know, I am really not sure." The young girl hesitantly answers.
     The attender's jaw drops opens in surprise! "How can you not be sure? After all, you have spent all of your life waiting in line to prepare yourself for this moment! Haven't your parents ordered their platter before you? Haven't they made their decision, and advised you what to do?"
     "Well, yes. But they didn't care for their choice. As they look back, sometimes they don't feel like they picked the right thing."
     "This is the most important part of your life, kid. Haven't you been told that?"
     "You bet. I have received invitations to multiple places, but each of them seems like the same deal. What if I make the wrong choice? Can't I just come back later to decide? I'm only seventeen."
     The attendant leans closer to make sure that the teenager can perfectly understand his words. "This is a one and only offer. If you don't pick now, you will be in shambles for the rest of your life. Leaving high school into the real world is a big deal."
     "Haven't I been living in the real world? Hasn't my childhood, with all of its hopes, dreams, and horrible failures done enough damage to be considered real? Isn't every decision we make going to influence us in some way? Yes. I know it is going to be hard being an adult. But being a child has its problems to that are difficult too."
     "Look, kid. I am going to give you a deal. You can pick two. You can choose a career and a family. That will get you out of the tough zone, but eventually you are going to have to give one up. You also better choose a new religion too, because there are a bunch of experienced critics out there who know all the answers that you don't have. Don't act surprised, It's just part of being an adult, you never know which direction to go."
     "It seems like a never ending maze. I don't think I can handle making all of these life changing decisions on my own." The customer shakes her head in utter despair. The idea of making a wrong choice weighed on her heart with alarming heaviness.
     "You don't have to make them alone." A voice calls from the end of the buffet line. It is thundering voice full of power, but also gentle and assuring at the same time. It is the owner of the restaurant. It is the owner of Life. He walks toward her, every step taken with authority. He stands next to her and puts His pierced hand on her shoulder.
     A smile crosses her lips. "I know you," she says. "You own this place."
     "Yes, I do, and I've got the platter for you. I know you inside and out. Rest assured, I know exactly what you need. I can take you where you need to go. It won't seem perfect at the first glance, and it may taste weird or burn your throat. But that's the beauty of it. After the initial shock of the unexpected, it will be just right. It will all be fine, dear one."
     He takes her delicate hands in His, and she leans upon His shoulder with a childlike dependence. "When I was little my parents chose for me, and now I have you to guide my decisions. I guess I never will really grow up at all."

     For all of us seniors, or those who are about to make a seemingly huge choice, I just want to throw a reminder out there. God's got a plan. Where ever you go or whatever you do, it is exactly the place He wants you to be.

 There are no mistakes. 

There are no coincidences. 

There is only a plan.