Well, it has finally been decided. I am going to Bryan College in the fall! The crazy confusion that my last few posts have revealed has been settled. The Lord has set a new direction in front of me, and it was one that I did not necessarily ask for. He knows what is best, and it has certainly turned out better than I could have expected. My major will be Musical Theater, which is a mix of two of my passions.
This was decided a while ago, but I did not want to write about it til now. I didn't quite know why, but now I think I do. I wasn't sure how I felt about going. Bryan was not the direction I thought I needed to go. There is nothing wrong with the place. It is a great school, one which many of my family members had gone or are going to. Their academics are outstanding, their theater program inspiring, and their Christian values strong. The reasons I pulled away from going there was petty. I did not want to be compared to my parents or the legacy of my relatives before me. I wanted to come in with a clean slate and not have such a high standard that I felt I was expected to live up to.
The price is also very steep. One which my family cannot provide for. I could not foresee being able to go there without going into major debt. I had forgotten. I had forgotten who my God is. Just like the foolish Israelites, I had forgotten how my God has always provided for me and lead me through trials so that He would be glorified through me. I had forgotten how powerful He is, and that money is no wall stopping Him from accomplishing anything. I have finally came to the conclusion that if He wants me to go to Bryan than He will have to pay for it. And He has. Little by little He has given me funds to save for next semester. It is definitely a trust exercise, but that is what He truly desires. He wants me to trust Him with my life.
How do I feel about going to Bryan now? To be honest, I feel...
Hesitant.
The idea of going off to live on my own outside of the comfy bubble of my own home is frightening. There are some days when I would rather stay back and forget the whole ordeal. I will be responsible for how I live, and some days I worry about how I will handle that.
Obedient. I have no doubt that this is where I am supposed to go in two and a half months. The doors have opened so wide that I know that I am supposed to walk through them. This is God's plan for me. I will trust and be obedient to what I believe is His will.
Ponderous. A day does not go by when I create a new scenario in my head about how this or that will work out when I get there. I am definitely a planner, and not fully knowing how everything will work out is one of my insecurities. I don't know how I will be able to balance all the classes and activities that I plan on doing. On the other hand, I do know that I will just go and do them. It will work out in the end.
Excited.
There is no doubt that I am meant to go to college. The whole idea excites me! The fact that I get to go to school to study my passions is an incredible gift! It is the launching pad for my future. Being able to spend time with my cousins and to be able to make new friends will be great! I can't wait for choir and theater to start up again on the college level.
Hesitant. Obedient. Ponderous. Excited. HOPE.
Ultimately, I have hope.
This new adventure will be hard and full of trials. The first year will be the most difficult as I try to get adjusted to my new life. At the same time, I know my God. He will never forsake me, and He will lead me through the path He's got planned. Ultimately, it was be a great adventure. Until then, I will look with hope towards the new horizon.
